In Search of Goldilocks – Unwinding the Wisdom of Love in Pride and Prejudice

I could easily forgive his pride, if he had not mortified mine.
        – Elizabeth from Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice

Recently I finished reading Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen. Perhaps you’ve read it or seen the film version with Keira Knightley (as of now I still have not seen any of the many film versions but can’t wait to enjoy them). Here’s a link to the book and to the movie trailer for reference. I thoroughly enjoyed the novel and found it to be a fascinating look at the roots of our traditions and society today. It is also a searing commentary on the flaws of human nature and how we continuously judge each other and “size each other up” in various ways against social standards, mores, customs, and even the gossip of the day. There is a wide range of characters in Pride and Prejudice and each of them seems to exemplify the positive and negative aspects associated with (you guessed it) pride and prejudice.

If you haven’t read the story or seen the movie there are essentially two main characters – Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy. Elizabeth is a headstrong young lady in a family of many girls that need to all be married off as soon as possible. Marriage is the constant obsession of Mrs. Benet, Elizabeth’s mother, while Mr. Benet, Elizabeth’s father, seems so detached from his daughters’ goings on that it causes a serious issue for the family later on. Most people, even if they haven’t read the story, seem to know Mr. Darcy – he is a very memorable character, especially if you’re of the female persuasion. He is tall, dark, handsome, brooding, and of course wealthy.

There are also class distinctions emphasized throughout the novel. Mr. Darcy is not just very wealthy, he is also of English nobility. Elizabeth on the other hand is essentially the equivalent of a middle class American. Her family is not that wealthy but they do own property and, as the novel explains, they have some inheritance issues which weigh upon them. Throughout Pride and Prejudice class distinction and status is an on-going theme and near obsession with Jane Austen and her characters. Everyone, especially the mothers of the town, are jockeying for position to get their daughters in front of the wealthiest men available so as to increase the likelihood they are quickly married off and “cared for.” Some critics of Jane Austen claim for this reason that she is a very materialistic writer and doesn’t actually view romantic love as of great importance in marriage. Perhaps this is true to an extent, but it seems to me that Jane Austen was actually subtly criticizing and moralizing upon the materialist hypocrisies of her time and chose to accentuate those tendencies in order to more aptly address them. Indeed the love that blossoms between Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy, although perhaps in some ways influenced by the fact that he is extremely wealthy (and Elizabeth does seem to say as much at times), their relationship is actually founded upon much more meaningful and lifelong values that do indicate a healthy and happy marriage awaits them. Clearly for one Mr. Darcy loves her for who she is, and in fact he rejects the more noble and proper marriage arranged for him by his aunt the Countess, for Elizabeth who essentially offers him not only no dowry or family lineage but more than likely financial obligations to take care of her parents later in life. Elizabeth as well falls more and more in love with Mr. Darcy as she discovers how much of a gentleman he is, how willing he is to serve and help her and her family, often anonymously no less, and how much they enjoy each other’s company. So although it is quite convenient that he is the wealthiest man in the region, it is by no means the reason for Elizabeth’s growing love for Mr. Darcy. Austen appears to be sneaking in under the radar the real message she wishes to convey about what really makes a strong and healthy marriage.

There are other supporting characters throughout the novel and all of them are delightful, unique, and pivotal to the progression of the story. There is the snobbish and loquacious Mr. Collins who humorously always speaks too much while at the same time says precious little. The old and familiar relationship between Mr. and Mrs. Benet lightens up the pent up angst all the daughters feel throughout the novel. Mr. Benet’s lackadaisical attitude to nearly all that occurs in the novel makes for a humorous juxtaposition to how Mrs. Benet and the girls fret, worry, and pine over nearly everything.

Pride and Prejudice seems to run the gamut of typical gender relations and the awkwardness of young love. Elizabeth’s sisters also have their own dalliances, and each seems to represent a different way to approach love. Jane is a little bit older than Elizabeth, and her heart throb is Mr. Darcy’s friend, Mr. Bingley. Where Elizabeth is headstrong and defiant towards love and to Mr. Darcy, Jane is the opposite. She is warm and welcoming to Mr. Bingley, and is clearly more than willing to marry. The problem for Jane is that Mr. Bingley is not forward enough with Jane. He leaves town and doesn’t come back, he doesn’t write to her for some time, and Jane’s faith and confidence are tested. I won’t go into all the gory details – you can read the novel to find out what really happens next! But again Jane’s relations are the opposite of Elizabeth’s. Jane’s suitor struggles with being forward enough and she doubts his true feelings while Elizabeth’s suitor is too forward and presumptuous leaving her only too well aware of his feelings for her. Jane must suffer with always wondering if Mr. Bingley loves her and thinks of her while Elizabeth struggles with Mr. Darcy always showing up and inserting himself into her company. What’s interesting about all of these various relations is that they all represent different expressions of – wait for it, wait for it – pride and prejudice. Mr. Darcy has too much pride and through the novel learns to transform that personal pride into a more thoughtful valor as he often comes to aid and assist in problems Elizabeth and her family are facing. This of course is a very worthy and attractive way for a man to express his pride, and is a major contributing factor for Elizabeth finally allowing herself to fall in love with him. This leads us to Elizabeth’s pride. She is convinced that she is right about the nature and character of Mr. Darcy and that he really is just an awful and obtuse man. The problem of course for Elizabeth is that she’s wrong, and so her pride gets the better of her, and prevents her from more rapidly updating her judgement of his character and person.

Pride and Prejudice is essentially a love story about two people overcoming their own pride to allow themselves to accept one another. And this is of course a very relatable experience for all of us in love and in life, and I think explains in large part why this novel continues to be so popular. The novel also reminds me of the value of our Christian roots and heritage. All of these characters are devout, church-going folk, and accordingly the entire community has very clear boundaries and guidelines regarding love, marriage, and gender relations. What any teenager today would clearly call “old-fashioned” are the most important norms and standards that must be upheld or there will be dire consequences and ill repute throughout the community. Jane Austen provides a story of one of the younger sisters, her name is Lydia, and the horrible experience she goes through with the town gambler and lothario named Wickham. In both lovers we find severe deficiencies in pride and prejudice such that she is unable to discern just how awful of a man he is and so naturally falls head over heels with him. She seems to be more in love with the idea and social stature of love than with the man himself, although granted he is, according to the ladies of the towns, the most handsome man of all. He on the other hand also has so little pride that he is happy to tarnish his name in one community, leaving gambling debts and broken hearts in his wake, only to arrive at a new town (on military assignment) and repeat the cycle all over again. Jane Austen seems to be suggesting that although pride may be the chief cardinal sin, it does still have its proper place in forming our good character when exercised with the proper dosage and application.

The same can be said of prejudice or pre-judging. On one level it is obviously wrong to pre-judge someone falsely and to think they are of a lower character than is true for them. But likewise it is also just as bad to fail to pre-judge someone who is clearly a compromised individual with a debased or even dangerous nature. These patterns and configurations of truth and falsehood are a continual theme through Pride and Prejudice. What is wisdom for one girl, is vice for another. Each relationship is unique unto itself and must be approached individually and particularly. Jane Austen’s morality is therefore more dynamic and less dogmatic than perhaps one may imagine considering the rigid rules and customs of her time. And because of this her advice, told obliquely through her stories, is more applicable, practical, and worldly-wise.

The story of course ends well, as all good romantic comedies should. And this presents an even more interesting conclusion or capstone to Jane Austen’s moral compass and code of ethics. It seems that the novel is saying we are all flawed and fallible humans, that goes without exception. However even still we are able to massage and adjust our false and preconceived notions of ourselves and others to a more accurate and righteous view of the world around us and within us. We can learn and adapt and be appropriately humble as well as proud with each other, and doing so wisely and correctly will more than likely lead to greater levity, humor, romance, intimacy, and perhaps even wealth for all involved. With all the various traits humans can express a “Goldilocks” balance can be reached, everyone can be happy, and society can be civilized. Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy are the couple that transforms the most and exercises the most self-introspection and humility with each other. They both admit they were wrong, took a good hard look at themselves, and in doing so found happiness and love together. And it just so happens that they are also the wealthiest couple materially. As I stated earlier many people accuse Jane Austen of having a materialistic and shallow view of love, marriage, and the world, however I disagree. Yes wealth and status are clearly factors front and center throughout the story, but look at who acquires and keeps their wealth. It is the couple that has the most wisdom, humility, and good character. Jane Austen is subtly blending together the concepts of being more charitable and virtuous with being wealthy and successful. In a time in English history when status and wealth meant everything, Jane Austen took that momentum and public obsession and steered it towards virtue, humility, and good Christian values. You don’t have to sacrifice virtue for wealth nor abstain from wealth to have virtue. You can, and perhaps arguably should, have a balanced blend of both. In the universe of Pride and Prejudice wisdom is tempered and is found in nearly all types of human expression and experience. The wisdom lies not so much in what one does or what one has, but in regards to the context of where and whom they are behaving. In contrast, Elizabeth’s sister Lydia and her despicable lover Wickham, although they do ultimately get married, though perhaps unhappily ever after, are the poorest couple of everyone in the novel. They can hardly afford their lifestyle and Lydia continually asks Elizabeth for money once she is married to the wealthy Mr. Darcy. But in surprising and refreshing style, Elizabeth finally explains to her sister, that though she loves her, she will not be funding her lifestyle no matter how wealthy she may be. Those are Lydia’s private affairs and are to be dealt according to their means with her husband and her husband alone. Again we see the clear moral message here the story is instilling. If you are too wayward in your judge of character and too unrestrained in your own behaviors you just may find yourself poor and with less agreeable opportunities and possibilities for your life. As the happy medium between both of these extremes, we have Jane and Mr. Bingley. They both have good standards and behavior, but don’t really transform or update themselves as much as Elizabeth or Mr. Darcy, but then again they also don’t have to – they aren’t as wayward as Lydia and Wickham or as stubborn as Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy. And so in turn Jane and Mr. Bingley are happy, wealthy enough, and comfortable, but as is mentioned continuously throughout the novel, Mr. Bingley is nowhere near as wealthy as Mr. Darcy.

Pride and Prejudice is a delightful, fun, and witty story, and I highly recommend it to all readers. I remember when I was in 11th grade our English teacher gave us various books to choose from to read for class. All the girls in class chose Pride and Prejudice (of course!). I however couldn’t have cared less about such a silly book back then, and distinctly remember how unusual it was that nearly every girl in class chose that story over all the others. I for one chose instead to read 2001: A Space Odyssey. Boy was that a different experience indeed! This novel by Jane Austen is a classic and for good reason. She masterfully weaves the reality and truth of human behavior, the interior dialoguing that nearly every woman can immediately relate to, and the enjoyable elements of a lovely romance story. Her subtle and measured critique and analysis of human interaction is both profoundly wise as it is buried within good story-telling, and perhaps for this reason more than any other it stands the test of time as a cherished classic that still to this day invigorates and enthralls.